I have issues with accusations, and I used to find myself having difficulty containing my composure each time I am being targeted. When I enter into the journey of self-understanding the nature of the mind, through the introspective practice of awareness, I resolved to take time to work with this meaning that I am always vulnerable too.
While in the process of self-awareness, I found out that I too unconsciously accuse others for what they have or have not done. What I realized was that I do not have the wisdom as yet to recognize the actual situation of that moment and instead judge and make hasty conclusions on what I perceived. I am buying into my thoughts, so to speak, believing everything I think as true. This first revelation makes me understand others as myself too – not having the wisdom to discern.
Over time a new perspective emerges in me – I saw that each meaning of accusation I give to the world, is a self-accusation I give to myself. What can be a better way to camouflage my shortcomings then to project it out to the world. The more authentic I am, the more I see that I am trying to fix the world of as is. Why am I agitated by Nature? Am I not accepting something within me? Am I deceiving myself again? If I am truly confident of myself, what are then comments to me? As I probe deeper with openness into my own shadows, I experienced a vivid childhood event whereby I was been “innocently” accused by my mum, or that is what I thought it is at that point of time. Did my mum purposely accuses me or is it my own interpretation that she is accusing me? Could it be that I am holding on to my view as right and that she is wrong. Have I given myself a chance to understand her? My interpretation of her accusing me is actual my own judgment. As I judged others, so am I judged.
The more I start to observe my ideas the more I start to get real with it – I find that many a times my judgment are all derived from my old ideas. Each judgment has prior ideas to it and each new judgment reaffirms that old idea. I start to realize how I create stress in myself by making ideas real. Instead of trying to analyze the content of each idea I proceed to seeing ideas as simply ideas – a mental construct of the mind, a fabrication.
Recently I observed that I am able to overcome my accusation issues much more speedier then before, as I see that it is just my own idea I put into the issue that makes accusation real to me. I recognized that I can’t remove or change the construct of ideas except to be mindful and recognizing them as it is – that the idea is not me, except an old conditioning of ignorance. By that understanding alone ideas naturally removed themselves, as I no longer give power to the meaning. On another perspective, I also start to understand that whatever other speaks, they are speaking from their own ideas too that they are not mindful of. There is no possibility I could see them as wrong once I understood that if I am unmindful of my ideas, I too will act the same.
As I understand myself I understand the world. Instead of judgment, compassion naturally unfolds.
So wisdom is also understanding that certain ideas only need to be understood that it was made stronger/reinforced by ignorance?
All ideas are made stronger either by ignorance or wisdom – recognizing both is wisdom at work. On a deeper level both right and wrong ideas too have to be transcended. I received an extract from V. Kumara recently on this:
Fabricating Fabrication
“If a person immersed in ignorance fabricates a meritorious fabrication, his consciousness goes on to merit. If he fabricates a demeritorious fabrication, his consciousness goes on to demerit. If he fabricates an imperturbable fabrication, his consciousness goes on to the imperturbable.
When ignorance is abandoned by a monk, clear knowing arises. From the fading of ignorance and the arising of knowledge, he neither fabricates a meritorious fabrication nor a demeritorious fabrication nor an imperturbable fabrication. Neither fabricating nor willing, he is not sustained by anything in the world. Unsustained, he is not agitated. Unagitated, he is totally unbound right within. He discerns that ‘Birth is ended, the holy life fulfilled, the task done. There is nothing further for this world.'”
SN 12.51
Let’s say I have been cheated big time. Let’s say my hard earned properties slipped away from me because of the cheating done by none other but my closest buddy which, not one in a million of chance, I would have thought he/she would done it to me big time like that.
Am I too unconsciously accuse others for what they have done?
Assuming that I had no hidden agenda. Assume that I am very straight forward, honest and a very trusting person (which make it easy for people to cheat a very straight forward person). Am I the “wronged” party here when being cheated like this?
I remembered seeing the movie Down The Rabbit Hole documentary on the part where it mentioned the brain limiting capacity to retrieve only a small fraction of a huge data that is generated at each moment. With that few data, obviously the judgment I made at any moment of time cannot be 100% true, probably 2% or maybe less? So what is going on at each situation is merely a judgment either on my part or another. There is a bigger truth that I am not aware off.
If I see the world as real, accusation is definitely real, but if I see the world as merely an experience, than the lesson that comes to me will be seen differently – neither one is correct nor wrong – simply to recognize that how I perceive the world is how I experience it.
It is how I wish to play the game. And how I define the game, I will see the game according to that definition. If I see money as “my hard earned” – this definition set the beginning rules of my game. In this game meaning of cheat, betrayal, distrust etc will be added into the game along the way. That is how ideas work – strange!